Three Tech Titans Roast Each Other Over Who's Really Building AGI

Get ready for a front-row seat at the nerdiest, pettiest, and most pixelated roast battle the tech world’s ever seen. Picture this: a slick voxel conference room with just the right touch of “Minecraft in Silicon Valley.” Elon Musk, Steve Jobs, and Mark Zuckerberg—yeah, the actual kings of disruption, design, and data—meet under the blinding lights of an “AGI Summit.” But forget the usual keynote. Instead of trading slides, they trade savage burns.

Things start off, well… classic. Elon’s already leaning back, smirking like he just bought Twitter again, claiming he’s the only one actually building AGI while the others just “play with pixels.” Steve Jobs shoots back with that withering minimalist style—one eyebrow, full turtleneck power—mocking Musk’s “rocket-emoji logic,” like launching Teslas into orbit is the answer to artificial intelligence.

Zuckerberg, stiff as always, lands a deadpan burn: at least Elon’s AI works in the real world, unlike Apple’s infamous headphone jack experiment. You know you’re in for a show when Mark’s the one scoring the laughs.

But the pace kicks into high gear. Blue and red lights cut across the table—now we’re getting personal. Jobs accuses Zuck of building algorithms that only know you until you lock your data up tight, his pointed pixel finger straight out of a 2007 launch event. Zuckerberg responds with a pixel-perfect smirk and drags in Apple Maps—with a visual of a voxel car diving into a virtual lake.

That’s not even the best part. Musk takes it cosmic, conjuring up a glowing holographic Mars as he brags about colonizing planets, while next to it, Meta’s empty metaverse room sits with a sad “For Sale” sign. You can’t make this stuff up.

By now, the burns are nuclear. Zuckerberg shrugs, predicting AGI will do us all a favor and delete our social accounts, Twitter first. Jobs, unflinching, wonders if humanity is doomed anyway—especially if AGI learns from Elon’s autopilot coding “skills.” The finishing move? Musk stops, looks straight down the lens, and delivers: “Maybe the real AGI was the tech billionaires we roasted along the way.”

Lights dim. Three bruised egos, one floating pixel island in a digital universe, and you—witness to all the chaos. It’s nostalgia, tech satire, and schadenfreude, all packed into under a minute. For anyone who’s ever wondered what would happen if Silicon Valley’s favorite disruptors finally dropped their PR filters and just roasted each other senseless, you finally have your answer. This is one virtual summit you actually want an invite to.