Mastering Nonviolent Communication: A Comprehensive Guide
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Strict use of scripts:“So, what is nonviolent communication? Simply put, it's a method where both parties eliminate aggression and communicate with sincerity and goodwill, ensuring effective communication. The book outlines four key components of nonviolent communication. The first is observation. The opposite of observation is judgment. For example, if your partner, let’s call them “Grace,” tends to be short-tempered and difficult to deal with, saying “Grace is difficult to get along with” is a judgment. However, saying “Last time I was three minutes late, and he got really upset” is an observation. Saying “Grace has severe procrastination” is a judgment, whereas “Grace always spends three hours getting ready before we go out and is always late for dates” is an observation. When we communicate, we should focus on expressing observations rather than judgments, as judgments can feel like criticism and cause resistance. The second component is feelings. The opposite of expressing feelings is sharing thoughts. If Grace hears that you complained about him and says, “You’re criticizing me behind my back; you don’t trust me at all, and I think you don’t love me,” he’s expressing thoughts. If he says, “You talked about me with others, and that made me feel sad. I feel like you don’t trust or accept me, and it’s disappointing,” he’s expressing feelings. We should aim to share feelings rather than thoughts during communication. Expressing feelings helps establish connection and allows us to defuse conflict by revealing vulnerability. The third component is needs. The opposite of expressing needs is making accusations. For instance, if Grace shares his dissatisfaction and you respond, “If I had told you directly, you would’ve gotten mad, we’d argue and stop talking—I was too scared to say anything,” that’s an accusation. If you say, “I was worried you’d get angry if I brought it up, but when I’m tired, I also need an outlet to express my emotions,” that’s expressing a need. Accusations arise when we are overwhelmed by emotions and either submit or become aggressive. Expressing needs, on the other hand, means we put aside emotions like fear or guilt and genuinely communicate what we need, becoming masters of our emotions. The final component is requests. The opposite of a request is a demand. For example, telling Grace, “Can you stop being angry, stop procrastinating, and stop being difficult?” is a demand—and a vague one at that. Saying, “Next time I’m late, could you be more understanding? On days when we need to go out, maybe you could try waking up earlier or doing simpler makeup so we can avoid being late,” is a clear request. We should clearly state what we want from others, rather than telling them what not to do. Making clear requests increases the likelihood of receiving a positive response.” Title Usage:“Nonviolent Communication®: A Language of Life·Global Sold 2,000,000 Copies” The content is in English with English-Chinese bilingual subtitles. This is a comprehensive summary of the book
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